frauke at large

With yet another crazy taxi ride survived and under my belt, I came to think … there are really only 5 different types of taxi driver in China. Even with the plethora of cheap taxis available in every city, they all fall into one of 5 categories:

First, there’s the F1 racer. The one who thinks he’s taking part in the Shanghai GP and is trying to make up for he rather weak qualifying position by overtaking literally everyone on the road. He requires nerves of steal on the part of the passenger as he whizzes past other cars and taxis and view e-bikes as mere extra bonus challenges. Best way to survive the ride is by going to a happy place and looking out of the side windows admiring the neon lighting or concrete block (very non-bauhaus) architecture. It’s also not a bad idea to hold on to the seat as in a last attempt to try and avoid smashing into an e-bike, he slams on the breaks propelling your body, head first, into the metal cage that separates you in the back from him and the front of the car. Unlucky, and you come out the other side in thin slices.

Then there’s the one for whom the highway code merely serves as friday night comedy entertainment: ‘Staying on your side of the road and stopping at a red light!?! Haha – good one!’ He’s the taxi driver who indicates left or right when he hits a red light, swerves to the left or right just enough to pretend to be going that way and then goes straight ahead anyway, thus running the red light and ‘saving time’ (or something. He might even think it’s improved customer service – who knows). He’s also made us enjoy situations whereby we ended up on the far left hand side of a dual carriageway (i.e. the inner lane of the oncoming traffic), simply because he way overtaking a car on our side, that was already overtaking a slower car, when a third car was was coming towards us the other way … confused? No, we were just hanging on for dear life. Again, the happy place helps, as well as looking out of the side windows pretending to be in ‘The fast and the furious’. Hollywood here we come!

There’s also the woman driver. Now she’s quite possibly the most welcomed sight in a taxi. She usually sticks to the speed limit and only overtakes lame ducks. She’s brilliant when you are trying to find your bearings or whilst exploring a new part of China. Also very handy if you want to take pictures from inside the car. At that speed you have time to put up the tripod and change lenses … but at least you won’t die of a heart attack or a crash with an e-bike.

Then there’s the silent one who barely acknowledges the fact that you have entered his taxi never mind reacts to your attempts at telling him your desired destination in chinese. So there you are trying your very best to show off your new chinese skills and all he does is leaves you with the faint hope that he has understood you and is driving you to your desired destination. Usually his driving is a mixture between the F1 racer and the one to whom the highway code does not apply. Although he can be quite chilled out too.

Finally there’s nosy one. The one who insists on testing your chinese skills to the max by asking you everything from your marital status, your income, your occupation to your name, your origins and your credit card details … He’s also been known to ring up his other taxi buddies or friends to share with them the joy that he is transporting a foreigner in his vehicle. ‘Guess who I have in my car…!?’ Well, at least he’s friendly and talks to you. And – it is a great way to practice your chinese, although the local accent kinda gets in the way a little. Ningbonee? Huh? Quoi?

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